Noises in me ship's bilge

Question:
There's something in me bilge that's making a lot of noise and is growling. What is it?

Signed,

Scared to go below deck

Answer:
Dear Mr. Deck,

Sounds like a 200 pound bilge rat. Since ye have water in yer bilge, you should call Roto-Rooter...or a pest exterminator...or just make a grenade with some gun powder, light it and toss it below. That's how me mentor, Captain Rackham, got rid of his bilge rats. He also blew up his boat and his self in the process, so be careful.

Happy sailing and don't let the bilge blow up,

Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall
Author, Guide to Pirate Parenting
www.pirateparetning.com