Why should I raise my children as pirates?
Question:
Why should I raise my children as pirates?
signed,
Curious in Chicago
Answer:
Ahoy Curious!
Let me give ye 10 reasons to raise your children as pirates...
(10) Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him to be a pirate, and he’ll steal other people’s fish for a lifetime.
(9) Divvying up booty is good quality time with the kids.
(8) When other parents hear you’re raising your children as pirates,
they’ll stop asking you to volunteer at school.
they’ll stop asking you to volunteer at school.
(7) It’s fun to watch the emergency room doctor’s reaction when
you say your son was injured during “a little mishap boarding a merchant vessel that refused to surrender.”
(6) You’ve always preferred the title “Captain” to “Mommy”
or “Daddy.”
(5) You can spend your kids’ college savings on more important
things, like a trip to Las Vegas.
(4) Your children already smell like pirates, so the transition will
be easy.
(3) The family that plunders together, stays together!
(2) Replacing “family movie night” with “family terrorizing the
neighbors with cannons night” is a wonderful change of pace.
(1) I want you to do it—and the last person who didn’t do what I asked was set adrift in a rowboat with only a day’s supply of water.
After yer kids are pirates, send 'em my way. I could use some new crew members.
Happy sailing and don't let the bilge rats bite,
Cap'n Billy "The Butcher" MacDougall
Author, Guide to Pirate Parenting
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